January 15, 2017

Published February 6, 2017 by jillamatt

***Jill’s ‘letting go’ Diary***

This is part of a series of posts (ordered by Dated Titles) where I am recording my thoughts and emotions as we tackle getting rid of all of our possessions.  From the day that I came up with this idea, to sell everything and travel the world, I have recorded my thoughts on certain days where I felt like writing.  These are real time, and not edited (except for grammatical corrections.) 

Well, we told someone!  Not just one person, but 3.  Last night, at a friends house.  Now, I must admit our two friends that live in the house we were visiting, aren’t just your typical couple.  These guys moved here from Mexico (individually they are from Argentina and Columbia,)  last year at about this time.  They are both internationally recognized artists, and they have both traveled extensively.  I think the reason we wanted to tell them first was because we knew that they would get it.  And, in true predicted fashion, they both hugged us and congratulated us and were genuinely excited for us.  Sandra later told me that she initially thought that I was going to tell her that I was pregnant!  HAHA, not a chance of that!  This is much better news!

So, now that we have told people, we really need to tell our parents.  This cat is going to leap out of the bag in no time, and we really need to let them know what we are up to.  We are both hesitant and a little fearful to share this news with them.  I wonder why that is?  Is it because as kids we know that our parents have certain expectations of us?  They want us to build a life and a career and work hard and retire?  I’m not even sure if that’s it.  For me personally, I am hesitant to tell anyone.  I fear for the back lash.  The opinions, the comments, the rumours!??  Will there be rumours?  We live in a small town.  I suppose that anything is possible.  But why the worry?  Why do I care what other people think about the way I have chosen to live my life?

I think it all goes back to a deep rooted childhood pattern that I adopted early on.  When I was quite young, my parents took me travelling a lot.  For many years we would go to the Caribbean for Xmas and New Years.  There were always trips to Hawaii as well, and many other southern destinations.  I used to have students tease me and make fun of me for the amount of travelling I did.  “Where are you going this time Amatt??”  “Oh why don’t you just go get another nice tan?”  In retrospect, I realize that these comments don’t mean anything, but I made it mean that I better stop telling people about any travelling I do, and definitely should not talk about my achievements and accomplishments in life.  It was easier to just not talk about it, and make sure that people liked me for who I was, rather then what I have done in my life.  HA!  The irony of that is…..well……ironic!  Isn’t what we do in our lives what shapes us to be who we are?  Somewhere along the line, I buried it all.  I didn’t want anyone to know what I had done, and I certainly didn’t need anyone to judge it!

And so, here we are.  Yes, I am still afraid of the judging.  But I am realizing (I can’t say I’ve figured this out all the way) that most peoples reactions, are usually just their own fears being projected onto the other person.  If we tell someone who is scared of travelling and doesn’t ever want to leave Canada, then isn’t it predictable that they will spew some sort of garbage about how we are crazy to leave the safety of Canada and that what we are doing is dangerous and reckless?  Yes, I am already envisioning those conversations.  I’m already building my defense armour to be able to tackle back, if first tackled.

But, it has to happen.  We can’t just up and leave and not tell anyone.  We owe it to our loved ones, to let them prepare for this.  To accept this.  Because this is how it is going to be.

 

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